SHOCK CINEMA
HOME PAGE
SUBSCRIPTIONS
AND BACK ISSUES
FILM REVIEW
ARCHIVE
Hundreds of Reviews from Past Issues!
AD RATES
MAGAZINE
REVIEW INDEX

An A-Z list of SC's
Print Reviews
SHOCKING
LINKS

Our Favorite Sites for Cinematic Dementia and Fringe Culture
SHOCK CINEMA
FACEBOOK PAGE
'Chirashi'
MOVIE POSTERS

A Gallery of Japanese Film Posters
SHOCK CINEMA
BLOG
MISTER KEYES
At the Flicks and Shit
SHOCK CINEMA
Film Favorites

"Some of the best
bizarre film commentary
going... with sharp, no-nonsense verdicts."
-
Manohla Dargis,
The Village Voice
 
"One of the few
review zines you
can actually read
and learn from...
You need this."
-
Joe Bob Briggs 
 
"Whenever you
see a film critic,
pick up a brick and throw it at him...
No great damage
can be done
to his head."
-
Jonas Mekas 
 

 Need additional
 information?
 E-mail us at:

 ShockCin@aol.com















STONE COLD (1991).

First off, I should tell you that I hate everything that ex-NFL linebacker Brian Bosworth stands for! That's why I skipped this flick when it played Times Square and waited for it on video. I simply couldn't bear to spend six bucks to see Bosworth's buttheaded smirk filling a movie screen. Well, it turns out I really love this movie! It's the perfect '90s biker movie and a four-star treat for everyone nostalgic for the good ol' days of THE WILD ANGELS. A no-holds-barred, bikerama shitkicker, featuring a huge cast of souped up motorcycles and drunken idiots riding them. It moves fast, leaves no survivors, and makes all that Van Damme/Steven Seagal crap look tame and lame in comparison. It's also the best actioner yet from director Craig X. Baxley, who's been refining his schlocky skills with first-rate swill like ACTION JACKSON and I COME IN PEACE. And if he can make stiffs like Carl Weathers and Dolph Lundgren look good in his earlier efforts, I guess even Brian Bosworth has a chance... "The Boz" plays a prettyboy undercover cop who infiltrates a vicious gang of drug-running bikers, titled The Brotherhood, and makes friends by promptly kicking everyone's ass. It's the type of movie where the whole cast is so ridiculously macho (including the women), that you'll bust a gut! These are severely sociopathic bikers, who advocate point blank murder and torture (in between six packs) and acting honors have to go to Lance Henriksen (who's getting type cast as a major league sickfuck) as Chains, the leathered and weathered leader of the gang. Pretty soon The National Guard is called in, The Mob makes an appearance, and it ends with a full scale paramilitary takeover of the State Court House, with a body count higher than most Nam flicks. Hey, what more could you want in a mindless action flick? It ladles on the automatic weapons, cheezy strip clubs, vicious rumbles, lightning paced editing, and terrifyingly cool stunts from ex-gag coordinator Baxley. The storyline is pretty typical (not to mention, sorely lacking in any subversive politics), but it's pumped up by mega-doses of speed and steroids, plus a budget that allows Baxley to cram every frame with more wall-to-wall dirtbags, choppers and artillery than any other bikerama ever made! Co-starring always-addled William Forsythe as Chain's psycho right hand man, and Arabella Holzberg as Roach, Lance's red hot biker chick. So, even if you loathe that dickweed "The Boz" as much as I do, put away any preconceptions and catch this one fast! Nothing tops it for gratuitious violence and non-stop action!

© 1992 by Steven Puchalski.